Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
