Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
