Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
This is classic penis vs brain.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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