I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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