Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
