Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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