I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
