Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
