Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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