you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
