there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
