I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm jealous of your bromance
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
