Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
