Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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