so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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