Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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