I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
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We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
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No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.