he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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