Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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