you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
