god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
