Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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