this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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