Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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