Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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