Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
