I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
