When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
