he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
