Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I will pee on everything he values.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
