Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
