I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
