every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
