Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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