so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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