It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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