You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
