Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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