I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
