yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
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Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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