well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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