Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
