There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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