Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
