Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
