we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
