Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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