Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
