Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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