I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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