I'd wear matching sweaters with you
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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