So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
she looked like the before picture.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
