So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
you guys were way drunker than both of me
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
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Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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