Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
