I met the friendliest cop last night
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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