A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize