3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
