dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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