how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
