U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
