:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize