2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
