for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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