I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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