This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
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Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
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I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
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