fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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